I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
