thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
