umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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