I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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