Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize