he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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