how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
