Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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