I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
