Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
