My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
