i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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