i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
