Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
