Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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