The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
