I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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