So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
