I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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