Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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