Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
