she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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