How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
