I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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