Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The uberlube is also flammable
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
