Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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