Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
