we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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