I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
