I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
