Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
