dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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