Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
