operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
