I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
