just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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