OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I only lived at night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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