Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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