how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
