I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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