So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
