the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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