when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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