she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
