oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
