I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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