i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love having hate sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
