shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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