Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
