U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
