theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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