3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
