Can i not drive my cunt home
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i came on her dog
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
