What did we do last night that was yellow?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
