so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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