I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
