I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He passed out mid-signature
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
