I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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