how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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