So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
