He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
