I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
