my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
