Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
