I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
