is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
