oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
