69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
