Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
