Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
