508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
