so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it because I queefed?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
