My Higher Power is John Stamos
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fill condoms, not promises.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
