This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well you can't waste a boner
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
