Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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