i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
