Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
