she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
