I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
